her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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