im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
