My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
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Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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