He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
