Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
