We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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