I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
