It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
