great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
there's paper in my vomit.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she looked like the before picture.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
