Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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