Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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