it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
