Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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