Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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