Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
