just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.