you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus