Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize