Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS