If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after