My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
