Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
