My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
