i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize