how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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