No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
