Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
