I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
