Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
