Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
