Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
