remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
