does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
