I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
