having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
