he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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