Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
