Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
