haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
