it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
