I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
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I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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