I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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