you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
