That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
