Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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