My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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