I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
