And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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