do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
