Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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