We named our party play list daddy issues
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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