That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You need Xanax blowdarts
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
