carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
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its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.