I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize