His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
