I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
