What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research