I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
