First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....