real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight