Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE