this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
