Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
