ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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