I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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