I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
its not stalking. its research.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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