and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
