If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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