I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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