I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
