ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
