there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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