I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
