oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
