dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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