I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
