this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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