You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
