her vagine was all disorganized.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
