He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
