hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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