why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
